My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
