wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
