They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
