Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
