Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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