I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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