I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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