Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
