It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
