Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
