I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Is it penis luge time yet?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
