He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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