Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
