He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
