i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
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i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
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it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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