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i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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