Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
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