i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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