ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You pole danced in your parka.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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