So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
