We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Randomize
