I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
