Someone shit on the floor
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
