Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
