Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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