We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
