the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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