His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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