I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
