i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
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