Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
