so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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