I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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