Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
