So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
