2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My nipple is on Facebook.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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