People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
