I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
