i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
