seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
