I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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