I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
