The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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