The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
