my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
