i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
