i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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