I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
