i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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