Porn is love you can see.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
