why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
