So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
