she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
