theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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