So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
