I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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