at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
