i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
