Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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