cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
