I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
