I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
