I like to think it a success when the cops are called
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
