operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
