According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
