bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
