so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
