is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
