just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
