ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
