Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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