The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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