Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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