Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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