why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
They are going to name an STD after you.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
