i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
