Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
