the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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