Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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