saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
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Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
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Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
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