did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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