went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
